What is Sexual Healing?
Many people might ask, what is sexual healing. I have pondered this question a great deal and the clearest answer I have come up with is this:
Sexual healing is the release from sensual-sexual fear.
The world is full of fear and sensuality and sexuality are two major qualities that we fear. Why do we fear these things?
First, lets understand that sensuality is an aspect of sexuality. Sexuality without sensuality naturally leads to imbalances.
When our sexuality is in balance, we can allow ourselves to be receptive, to feel and connect with our sensuality. From this place, we can share, express affection, love, gentleness and care with others. Eventually, we may want to have sex, but maybe not. A truly receptive person does not mind; they are not minded because being receptive, they know the juice comes from being present with. Receptive people know the secrets of transmuting their energy so that they can become truly intimate with another.
Over time, our sexuality has been out of balance; it has been used as a force to control, possess, manipulate and hook others into obligation, expectation and guilt. We have lost touch with our receptive, intuitive nature. Instead of a desire to be with each other, we want to do each other. The emphasize for power and greed has thwarted our nature to one of impatience, hopelessness and low self-esteem. With this said, we have lost touch with the feminine quality of sex, which is to be sensual and receptive.
If you think of sexuality as a flower, then sensuality is the stage of its development before it becomes its ripest, most fragrant, most beautiful fruit. Trying to force a flower to bloom before it is ready will not create the sweetest nectar, which we like. In trying to force a flower to bloom before it is ready, the flower will die more quickly. It will not be as healthy, vital or strong. Such is the case with our sexuality. We need to allow each other to ripen. We must be able to love and accept our stage of development with patience and nurture ourselves where we are at. Not doing this leads to pain; many unconscious fears and projections come to the surface in ways that we are not even aware of as a result.
Many people do not want to have sex and that should be o.k. Abstaining from sex can offer us time to heal and spiritually grow. However, many people think that they won’t grow spiritually if they have sex. This is not true. Sex can be a part of our spiritual growth when it is done mindfully and with awareness. Many also think that if they abstain from sex, then their partners should abstain too. They do this out of the fear of losing or the fear of being little. Whenever we use sexuality as a way to possess or control another, we are inhibiting our and there spiritual growth. Some of our latent desires can be cleared up with spiritual practice alone; however, sometimes, we need to experience our desires. The more we do so consciously, allowing others to be where they are at without judgment, the more we will learn and grow; this ultimately leads to a balanced sexuality and a healthy sense of Self.
Many people who are afraid of sexuality and sensuality do not know how to communicate well. Without communication, it is not possible to really have good quality sex. A good deal of problems are caused because of this inability to communicate effectively. Past conditions and experiences have closed our voices and prevented us from speaking honesty. This is why learning how to communicate is a form of sexual healing.
All sensual and sexual fear stems from the inability to be receptive and dropped into the body. We need to learn how to feel safe in our bodies, to know who we are beyond our bodies and to be able to communicate effectively. From this place, we can create healthy, loving, life affirming relationships and have sex that is mutual, restorative, healing, and more longer-lasting.
How to have caliber: in case you forgot
To have caliber is to project from our true identity, which is beyond ego, personality and the masks we where. Sometimes this can feel fake; a person in conflict for example can be focused so much on themselves that they lose their projection and the sense of who they are. Here, the mask they are wearing is the victim, the helpless, the poor me, or the not enough. When this is the case, their caliber is disguised, lost or hidden.
Someone of caliber is like a flashlight; their projection is focused outward, they are committed to being their true identity, to being a forklift. In challenging situations, they are committed to silence and stillness; they don’t pretend to have all the answers nor do they always feel secure. They are, however, vigilant; vigilant to know God, to see God in the world and to be their brightest regardless of situations. Caliber comes from recognizing that our presence- our inner light- is our greatest gift. Recognizing this, they do need not do anything to be more or to prove themselves. Their caliber pierces through so that they can serve, they can be a light in a world of darkness.
To have caliber does not necessarily mean having it all together. Maybe at times you feel that you are beaten down and you want to give up. Maybe your caliber is weak because you want support, someone to hear your cry; perhaps, it is the only way you have learned how to get your needs met. To have caliber does not mean withholding speaking openly and honestly. It does not mean denying yourself the need to make a request or seek support. It is simply recognizing that your true identity is beyond duality, it is beyond right/wrong, good/bad, happy/sad. Your true identity is complete, whole and loving. It is radiance and grace. Beauty and simplicity. Peace and power.
Don’t pretend to have all the answers or even like you have to be someone you are not. Do, however, have caliber- know your true identity, pierce through the veil of who you are not. Project with presence, love, stillness and with the knowing that you are here to serve the light, to be a light. That is what we are here for as long as we are here.
What are you becoming? Do you like it?
I finally got tired of asking
For years, I meditated…
Becoming? Becoming? Becoming?
I waited for an answer and tirelessly I did
Until I sat one day and reflected on what I hid.
I was happier not seeking.
I simply liked to share
I was joyful to be in the company
of strangers everywhere
I loved to love people
but in seeking I did forget
Becoming? Becoming? Becoming?
Drove me down into what seemed an endless pit.
Something I have learned is
The subtle difference of
knowing who I am and who I am not
defined not by my becoming
or lack thereof…
For to dwell on a future thought
is the opposite of what is real
but to be present with who I am
is the fastest way to heal
To grow now is an extension of the growth inside of me
moving into the lightness of what naturally wishes to be
So this I learned and must I learn it well.
That focusing on the becoming
quite possibly leads to hell.
But focusing on who I am
leads to endless growth
centered in the truth of what is something I like most..